No Excuses

I love my husband.  I don’t love him because he buys me flowers.  I love him not because he cooks for me.  My love for him is not dependent on him going out of his way to make me happy.  I don’t love him because of how hard he works.  Those are all benefits to the life that we share.  Those are all wonderful side effects to our marriage.  But they are not the reason that I love him.  If they were, then would I stop loving him when he stops buying me flowers?  Would my love for him change if he chose not to cook for me or take care of me?  Life would be a bit more difficult, but my love for him would not change.  I would still love him.

Unfortunately we live in a sinful world.  We do things that upset each other.  I might say something hurtful.  He might make a decision without discussing it with me.  It happens.  But guess what?  I still love him.  He still loves me (or at least I think he does ;) ).  We might need some space from each other, some alone time.  But we never leave each other.  We might not like each other for a minute or two.  But we still love each other. 

This is similar to the love of God.  He doesn’t love us because we feed the poor.  He doesn’t love us  for telling others about Him.   His love for us isn’t dependent on us spending time with Him.  He doesn’t love us because of the kind words we use towards others.  These are side effects of our relationship with God.  But they are not reasons He loves us.  We do these things because we love Him in return.  If they were reasons why God loves us, then wouldn’t that mean He would stop loving us if we stopped honoring Him?  Wouldn’t that mean He would have a reason to love us less or to even love us more?   We can’t make God love us more than He loves us now.  In the same way we can’t do something to make Him love us less than He does now. 

Unfortunately we do live in a sinful world.  We do things that make God sad.  We might say hurtful things to other people.  We might make decisions without involving God.  It happens.  We are human and we are sinners.  There are even times we might try to push God away.  But this is the wonderful thing about God.  He is not human.    Even though we turn our backs on God, He is still there.  He will not leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).  And no matter what, He still loves us. 

This is important to remember.  God loves you.  Period.  No excuses.  No reasons.  So when you think He doesn’t love you.  When you think you are not good enough.  When you think you are unworthy.  When you think you could be doing more so God will love you more.  Remember that God loves you.  You can’t make God love you. You can’t make God unlove you.  You can only accept His love in return.  The way you live your life is in response to His love and yours in return.

 

So stop making excuses for why God doesn’t love you.  Stop comparing yourself to someone else.  He loves you.  Accept His love.  You can do this only By God’s Amazing Grace.

Where is Your Focus?

I am not a fan of storms.  I like rain, but not storms.  My favorite place to be when in the middle of a storm is at home in the arms of my husband.  That is where I feel safest.  That is where I feel least scared.  

The disciples found themselves in many a storm.  Some storms they had to face, they were in the presence of the Savior.  There was one where Jesus was found to be asleep on the boat.  Even the storm did not waken Him.  His disciples had to wake Him up and He calmed the storm.  But there were other times when they were without Jesus in the middle of the storm.  There is one instance I am thinking of specifically.  We find the story in the 14th chapter of Matthew.  

Peter and the other disciples just witnessed the miracle of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish.  The people wanted to make Jesus king, but that is not why He came.  To diffuse the situation, Jesus sent the disciples on a boat and He left to have some time alone.  He was in a place where His eyes could constantly be on them.  While Jesus was absent, the disciples found themselves in the middle of a great storm.  The disciples thought they were going to die that night so they tried to save themselves.  They tried to empty the boat of the water.  They feared for their lives.  They just knew they were going to drown.  Sinking was a huge possibility.  

Even though the disciples were alone, they were never really alone.  Jesus had His eye on them the whole time.  He then went to them.  He could have chosen to take a boat out to them.  But He chose to walk on the water.  Maybe it was the quickest method.  I don't know.  But He chose His feet as His mode of transportation in the midst of this storm.  

When the disciples saw Him walking towards them, they were afraid.  They thought they were seeing a ghost.  They did not recognize Him to be Jesus.  I am sure they did not expect to see Jesus walking on the water.  They were filled with fear.  Jesus spoke to them, "Be of good cheer, it is I; be not afraid."  This is powerful.  

I have talked with my husband about this phrase many a times.  We have talked about its meaning. Either, Jesus is telling His disciples not to be afraid.  He was there now.  There was no reason for them to be afraid any more.  Do not fear, I am here with you now.  Or He was saying, do not be afraid.  I Am.  I am God.  Do not be afraid of me.  I am not a ghost.  I Am.  The disciples were afraid not just because of the storm.  They were afraid because they thought Jesus was a ghost.  They did not recognize Jesus.  I believe Jesus was saying, "do not be afraid of Me.  I am"  "Before Abraham was, I Am."  "Who should I say sent me?  I Am."  Wow!

Jesus has arrived to the boat in the middle of the storm.  The disciples have desperately tried to save themselves to no avail.  Now Jesus is there and He is reassuring them that He is I Am.  There is no reason to be afraid.  And Peter says "Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto Thee on the water." Peter is not testing God here.  He is not saying "if it really is you".  He is seeing Him as who He really is.  He is seeing Him as Jesus, as the son of God.  Jesus asks Him to come on the water.

Now, I know if I was coming out of a boat onto water, the moment my foot touched the water, I would go straight under.   I have never tried to walk on the water because I know I am not able to walk on water.  I do not possess the ability to walk on anything but solid ground.  But Peter,  he was able to walk on water.  But was he able to do so due to his own ability?  Of course not.  Was he able to walk on water because he was cocky and wanted to show off to his friends.  Not at all.  Then how was he able to walk on the water?  It wasn't by his own power.  It was because he had his eyes fixed on Jesus.

He took his eyes off of himself.  He realized he could not save himself.  He kept his focus on the One who could save him.  He kept his eyes on His Savior.  He walked to Jesus.  

This is where our eyes should be at all times.  Our eyes should be fixed on Jesus.  He should be our focus.  It is not about walking on water.  It is not about what others think of us.  It is about where our focus is.  We cannot save ourselves.  Only God can.  This is why our eyes need to be fixed on Him.  

The moment Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, what happened?  He began to sink.  He no longer was able to walk on the water.  He thought he could do it himself.  He lost his focus.  He forgot where he was going.  He once again got scared by the storm.  He forgot who could save Him.  

I sometimes think that I can handle my problems myself.  I think that I have got them under control and I can take care of them myself.  I begin to take my eyes off of God.  I forget why my problems seemed so small.  He was the one handling them for me.  He was the one in control.  But when I try to take control back, when I forget why I was able to "breeze" through life, I begin to sink.  My problems become so big that I can't breath.  I feel like I am going to drown.  I feel like my problems are going to swallow me whole.  I took my eyes off of God for one second.  I lost my focus.  And I have to cry out to my Savior for His hand.

Peter had to cry out to Jesus.  And He did not hesitate.  He reached out His hand and pulled Peter back up out of the water.  He wasn't going to let Peter sink.  He loved Peter very much.  He was not going to let Peter's loss of focus become the reason for his loss of life.

Jesus has never left me.  He is always there.  I may push Him back.  I may try to take control.  But He is still there.  He is still ever present.  He is just waiting.  He waits for me to call on Him to take back control.  He waits for me to regain my focus.  He helps me to see that when I rely on Him, when my focus is on Him, things go smoothly.  Things are easier to handle.  With Him, all things are possible.  But without Him, life is a very choppy sea.  I feel like I am going to drown.  I am not able to handle all that comes towards me.  The storms are too big, the waves too high, and the water comes in too quickly.  

Do your storms seem to big to handle?  Does it feel like you are going to drown?  Do you feel that you cannot handle all that is coming your way?  Take a moment.  Breath.  Now change your focus.  Take your eyes off the storm.  Take your eyes off yourself.  Put your focus on God.  Give Him your problems.  Not just the big ones.  He wants the little ones, too.  He can handle them all.  He wants to help you walk on water.  You can do it, too.  See Him for who He really is.  Keep your eyes on Him.

We can survive this storm.  We can walk towards Jesus.  We just need to keep our focus on Him.  We can do that only By God's Amazing Grace.

(Thanks goes to Steven for the perspective he gave to the story of Peter walking on water.)

Wonderfully and Fearfully Made

The past two and a half months have just flown by.  This year is almost a quarter over already and it feels like it just started.  Of all the weeks in the year so far, my favorite would have to be last week.  Why, yes, it was spring break.  How'd you guess?

It was my favorite week not just because of the break though.  I had an amazing time with my husband and Little Bit.  I was spoiled last week by so many things I am not fortunate to experience in abundance during a normal work week.  I enjoyed laying in bed until seven in the morning.  I cherished all the kisses and "I you's" (I love you in Little Bit speak) I was showered with all day long.  I loved not having to rush and be on a schedule.  The little things mean the most to me.  Especially the quality time with Little Bit and the Hubs.

Of all the days off I had last week, Thursday was exceptionally special.  The Hubs and I had an absolutely amazing date.  We dropped off Little Bit at a stranger's house.  Well, they are strangers to you.  Hehe.  No, we dropped her off at a friend's house and we went to a park with both a hiking trail and a lake.  Very beautiful place.  A place where you can actually stop and breath.

We started by walking the hiking trail.  No big.  I love hiking.  Except I wasn't prepared to hike.  It is quite funny.  Picture this:  I am wearing a skirt.  Okay.  Stop laughing.  It happens every once in a while.  And I was wearing "pretty" shoes.  Not dress shoes.  Kind of like flats with a stretchy strap that goes around the heel.  Yeah.  It was pretty funny trying to walk.  We had to stop every minute or two just so I could put the strap back around my heel as it kept sliding down, and my shoes kept trying to come off.  Definitely not conducive to hiking.  I can just vision it in my head as if I was watching myself walk.  Very humorous.  And just so you know, I still have a few blisters on my feet from that.

It is my fault.  I told my husband to plan it.  He then decided he didn't want to tell me what we were doing because he wanted to surprise me.  How cute?!

Even through the mishap of the wrong outfit, I was still able to breath in the scenery.  The trees shaded the pathway from the effulgence of the sun.  The melodies of the birds filled the otherwise silent air.  The deer frolicking in the daisies.  Okay, okay.  There were no daisies.  Or deer.  But I imagined seeing deer peeking through the trees watching us as we strolled by hand in hand.  *Sigh*.  A girl can dream.

After the hike, we went over to the lake and sat at a picnic table.  We breathed in the view.  Amazing.  As much as I fear water, I can appreciate the aesthetics of the body of water.  We sat here until a neighboring table decided to drown out our conversation with their obnoxious music.  That was our cue to leave.  My stomach was telling us it was time to leave anyway.

Not only did I have an amazing morning with the Hubs, I was able to revel in the beauty of the Creator.  To know that God spoke the sun, the trees, the birds, the water into existence just amazes me.   And even more that he bent down into the dirt and formed man with His own hands.  And then breathed the breath of life into his nostrils.  "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7.

God is not JUST God.  He is OUR Creator.  "For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:13-14.  "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."  Genesis 1:1.

I am not here on accident.  It was a purpose.  God created me.  He has a purpose for me.  There are times I question my purpose.  Don't we all?  But I know He has a plan for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells me this.  "I know the plans I have for you.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Remember, you are a purpose.  God is your Creator.  He formed you in your mother's womb.  Not on accident.  Not a fluke.  A purpose.  He made the stars that you can gaze at during the dark hours of the night.  He made the sun that kisses you awake at the break of dawn.  He created the trees that provide relief from the radiant sun.  He created the flowers that provide a sweet fragrance.  The God that created the world in spoken word, created you with His hands.  You are wonderfully and fearfully made.  God loves you that much to not speak you into existence.  He loves you so much that He got down on His knees to make man.

Not only am I able to revel in His created beauty, I am able to realize I am part of that only By God's Amazing Grace.

Where is Your Treasure?

I am using this wonderful week off to do some much needed spring cleaning.  The Hubbs and I are going through the patio closet and sorting stuff by "keep", "donate", "sale", and "garbage".  We sorted through 6 boxes today.  One full box became trash.  A large garbage bag became donate.  Half a box is refilled with what we are keeping.  A shoe box of stuff is what we are selling.  And we just got started.

It is amazing to look at the stuff we have collected over the years.  Some of the things I looked at today I have had since I was in grade school.  I also saw some pictures that took me back a few years.  I saw pictures of my dad, mother, brother, and myself...together.  I wasn't even a year old at the time.  It was really hard looking at that picture.  Even now, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  It is one of the only pictures of us as a family.  Also found the picture of the first time I met my mother.  I was about to turn 22.  Long story.  I will delve into that another day.

I found Little Bit's first pair of shoes.  So tiny.  The Hubbs asked if I wanted to donate them.  I think I burned him with the evil eye.  Guys are so not sentimental.  Haha.

Going through all these things has done more than just send me on journey to the past.  It has also cleared a path to the future.  How does that work, you ask?  Easy.  "Do not lay up treasures for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasure in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:19-21

I do not want my treasures to be stored in the patio closet.  Or in the house.  I want my treasure to be stored in Heaven.  I do not want, nor do I need expensive things.  I don't want to worry about someone wanting to steal it.  I do not want to worry about the weather changing the appearance of it.  I don't want to hold on to everything just because it has sentimental value.  "Oh, no, don't throw away that piece of string.  It was the first piece of string that I saw the day it rained and I saw a puppy running and it found shelter and a rainbow came out and because of all that, I met you five years later."  If I kept every memento of my past, there would be no room for my future.  I need to let go of things that I have been holding on to for years so that there is room in my heart for things that are of Heaven.

So what are you holding on to that is keeping your treasure from being in Heaven?  What keeps your heart in the past instead of longing for your future home?  What can you not let go of that prevents you from holding onto Christ?  You need a free hand.  You have to let something loose.

I am cleaning out more than just the closet.  I am cleaning out my heart.  I am letting go of things that I have held onto for years.  I want my treasure to be in Heaven.  I need to make ready my heart so it is possible.  It is a slow process.  Doesn't happen over night.  But it can only happen By God's Amazing Grace.

His Strength is Perfect

The first two days of my new position have sent me home exhausted and weary.  My energy is zapped.  My strength is depleted.  I come home barely able to drag myself through the door and to the bedroom to fall asleep hours before bedtime.  Hence the reason I am sitting on the couch right now.  Can't get my body to go anymore.

When I went to school on Monday, I got myself a task force to help me decorate my new room.  Through this process, I was able to muster up the strength and energy I needed.  I was able to renew my passion.  I was able to enforce my new attitude.  I actually was excited yesterday morning.

By the end of the day, I was beat.  There are things that should be taught at the beginning of the school year that were taught for the first time on Monday (over 6 months into the school year).   But the day ended and I survived the first battle.

Then I woke up this morning.  I felt so weak in so many ways.  I did not feel that I was strong enough to continue this new position.  I felt like my strength was gone.  So I prayed.  The song "His Strength is Perfect" started going through my head.  "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.  He'll carry us when we can't carry on.  Raised in His power, the weak become strong.  His strength is perfect."  So I prayed again for His strength because I knew I had none left.

The next thing to go through my head was the verse in Isaiah 41:10  "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I didn't have to be strong.  I didn't have to have any strength left.  All I needed was God to hold me up with His righteous right hand.  I only needed His strength because His strength is perfect.  1 Corinthians 12:9 says "...My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

So the day continued just as smoothly as yesterday, if not more so, until 4th period.  The words I heard took the strength God had given me.  I became weak again.  I am thankful that the students go to lunch before they come to me for 4th, otherwise the day would have turned ugly.

I found another teacher.  She said something that meant a lot to me.  She said "they wouldn't have chosen you if they didn't think you could handle it."  And that is when I started to cry.  I was weak.  I looked at her and said, "I feel so weak.  I don't think I can do this.  But I have to remember His promises.  I need His strength."

After talking with this teacher, I made my way back up to my room and started to pray.  A lot.  I prayed for God to renew my strength and to provide wisdom so I would know how to handle the class that is close to a night mare.  I knew that I needed His strength, because mine was not going to help me with this next class.

I am glad to say that today was much better than yesterday.  I am glad to say that through His wisdom and strength, I did more than survive.  I thrived.  He never left my side.  He never let go of me.  He continually held me up with His righteous right hand and continually renewed my strength throughout the day.

So, whatever you are going through.  Whatever is bringing you down.  Whatever is making you weak.  Ask for His perfect strength.  He doesn't need you to be strong.  You don't need your own strength.  You need God's perfect strength.  Remember "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13.  You don't have to have all the answers.  You don't have to do this alone.  He will give you the strength you need to go through this valley.  Just ask Him for it.

I may be weak, but through Him, I am strong only By God's Amazing Grace.

Under Construction: Attitude Change

When I was in the first grade, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  In first grade I knew.  I wanted to be a teacher.  When I was in sixth grade someone asked me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  In sixth grade I knew.  I wanted to be a teacher.  In high school, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  In high school I knew.  I wanted to be a teacher.  Through the many years since the first time I knew, people tried to dissuade me.  "Why not be an accountant.  It pays more money."  I didn't want to be an accountant.  I wanted to teach.

I remember spending my summers playing school.  I taught the neighborhood kids over the summer.  I don't think I ever played the student.  I spent my vacations from school teaching others what I already knew.  I knew at a very young age that I wanted to teach.  I knew at a very young age that I wanted to change people's lives.

I have been teaching for 6 years now.  And I still enjoy teaching.  I still want to be a teacher.  I still want to change people's lives.  I want to make a difference.  I want my students to want to learn.  I want them to like math when they leave my room at the end of the year.

But this has been the hardest year of teaching I have ever experienced.  And it is not because of the kids.  I started out teaching 6th grade math.  I had a great department and team.  Mid year, I was asked to be the math interventionist and help the students that were low and needed that extra help to get up to grade level.  I worked with 6th, 7th, and 8th graders for six weeks.  At the end of four weeks, I was asked to help out another teacher with Algebra.  After helping this teacher out with Algebra for a week, I was then told to take over all this teacher's classes.  This teacher would then take over my position.

I just completed my sixth week with the interventions and am about to embark on my first day of teaching 8th grade tomorrow.  This is not my first time teaching 8th grade math, but I was not looking forward to teaching it again.  I specifically asked for 6th grade at the end of last school year.  And now I am back with the 8th graders with about three months left of school.

Let's just say my mind has been preoccupied all weekend.  At the beginning of the school year, you teach routines and procedures.  You teach the students how to behave in your class.  You do what you need to do to make sure your classroom is conducive to learning.  So you can say I am a little apprehensive to taking over these classes as my teaching style, classroom management style are completely different from this other teacher's.  My whole mood has been affected by this change.  I am not looking forward to going to school tomorrow.

But if I go to school with this attitude tomorrow, I will be hurting myself and the kids that I will be working with.  They will know that I don't want to be there and they will run with it.  If I want the next three months to go by as smooth as possible, something has got to change.

There has been a verse going through my head all weekend.  Every time I get upset or angry, it comes up.  "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11.

And then God reminds me to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7.

I realized, after reciting these verses over and over this weekend, that the situation is not going to change.  I am not going to wake up tomorrow morning and be the interventionist again.  I am not going to wake up from this bad dream.  Since the situation is not going to change, then my attitude about it must change.  I must change my perspective.  Even now, Romans 8:28 comes to mind.  "And we know all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  How can this become a good situation if I don't allow myself to have a good attitude about it?

"I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13.

As difficult as this "trial" seems, I know that God will help me through it.  And yes, I see this as a trial.  Come to my school for a day and you will see exactly why it is a trial.  He will give me the strength that I need, daily.  And if I can just remember to "be strong and do not let your hands  be weak, for your work shall be rewarded."  2 Chronicles 15:7.

Do you feel like me?  Do you feel that you are given an impossible task that you can't do on your own?  Give it to God.  Do you feel that the task ahead comes with a over bearing burden?  Give it to God.  Do you feel that this trial that you have been going through will never end?  Give it to God.  God has a plan for you. He offers peace.  He can give you strength.  He will reward you.  You can do it.  Don't give up.  Don't lose heart.  Keep pressing forward.

I know that I will walk into my new classroom tomorrow morning with a new attitude.  I will walk into the classroom with renewed strength.  I know there is a purpose, a reason.  One day I will understand that reason.  One day I will know that reason.   But until then, I will do what I "do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31.  I will make a difference.  I will teach to the best of my ability.  I will not give up.  I will have a good attitude about it.  All this will happen only By God's Amazing Grace.