When I was in the first grade, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" In first grade I knew. I wanted to be a teacher. When I was in sixth grade someone asked me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" In sixth grade I knew. I wanted to be a teacher. In high school, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" In high school I knew. I wanted to be a teacher. Through the many years since the first time I knew, people tried to dissuade me. "Why not be an accountant. It pays more money." I didn't want to be an accountant. I wanted to teach.
I remember spending my summers playing school. I taught the neighborhood kids over the summer. I don't think I ever played the student. I spent my vacations from school teaching others what I already knew. I knew at a very young age that I wanted to teach. I knew at a very young age that I wanted to change people's lives.
I have been teaching for 6 years now. And I still enjoy teaching. I still want to be a teacher. I still want to change people's lives. I want to make a difference. I want my students to want to learn. I want them to like math when they leave my room at the end of the year.
But this has been the hardest year of teaching I have ever experienced. And it is not because of the kids. I started out teaching 6th grade math. I had a great department and team. Mid year, I was asked to be the math interventionist and help the students that were low and needed that extra help to get up to grade level. I worked with 6th, 7th, and 8th graders for six weeks. At the end of four weeks, I was asked to help out another teacher with Algebra. After helping this teacher out with Algebra for a week, I was then told to take over all this teacher's classes. This teacher would then take over my position.
I just completed my sixth week with the interventions and am about to embark on my first day of teaching 8th grade tomorrow. This is not my first time teaching 8th grade math, but I was not looking forward to teaching it again. I specifically asked for 6th grade at the end of last school year. And now I am back with the 8th graders with about three months left of school.
Let's just say my mind has been preoccupied all weekend. At the beginning of the school year, you teach routines and procedures. You teach the students how to behave in your class. You do what you need to do to make sure your classroom is conducive to learning. So you can say I am a little apprehensive to taking over these classes as my teaching style, classroom management style are completely different from this other teacher's. My whole mood has been affected by this change. I am not looking forward to going to school tomorrow.
But if I go to school with this attitude tomorrow, I will be hurting myself and the kids that I will be working with. They will know that I don't want to be there and they will run with it. If I want the next three months to go by as smooth as possible, something has got to change.
There has been a verse going through my head all weekend. Every time I get upset or angry, it comes up. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
And then God reminds me to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.
I realized, after reciting these verses over and over this weekend, that the situation is not going to change. I am not going to wake up tomorrow morning and be the interventionist again. I am not going to wake up from this bad dream. Since the situation is not going to change, then my attitude about it must change. I must change my perspective. Even now, Romans 8:28 comes to mind. "And we know all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." How can this become a good situation if I don't allow myself to have a good attitude about it?
"I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13.
As difficult as this "trial" seems, I know that God will help me through it. And yes, I see this as a trial. Come to my school for a day and you will see exactly why it is a trial. He will give me the strength that I need, daily. And if I can just remember to "be strong and do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded." 2 Chronicles 15:7.
Do you feel like me? Do you feel that you are given an impossible task that you can't do on your own? Give it to God. Do you feel that the task ahead comes with a over bearing burden? Give it to God. Do you feel that this trial that you have been going through will never end? Give it to God. God has a plan for you. He offers peace. He can give you strength. He will reward you. You can do it. Don't give up. Don't lose heart. Keep pressing forward.
I know that I will walk into my new classroom tomorrow morning with a new attitude. I will walk into the classroom with renewed strength. I know there is a purpose, a reason. One day I will understand that reason. One day I will know that reason. But until then, I will do what I "do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31. I will make a difference. I will teach to the best of my ability. I will not give up. I will have a good attitude about it. All this will happen only By God's Amazing Grace.
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